PRIVATE, n. A military gentleman with a field-marshal's baton in his
knapsack and an impediment in his hope.
PROBOSCIS, n. The rudimentary organ of an elephant which serves him
in place of the knife-and-fork that Evolution has as yet denied him.
For purposes of humor it is popularly called a trunk.
Asked how he knew that an elephant was going on a journey, the
illustrious Jo. Miller cast a reproachful look upon his tormentor, and
answered, absently: "When it is ajar," and threw himself from a high
promontory into the sea. Thus perished in his pride the most famous
humorist of antiquity, leaving to mankind a heritage of woe! No
successor worthy of the title has appeared, though Mr. Edward bok, of
_The Ladies' Home Journal_, is much respected for the purity and
sweetness of his personal character.
PROJECTILE, n. The final arbiter in international disputes. Formerly
these disputes were settled by physical contact of the disputants,
with such simple arguments as the rudimentary logic of the times could
supply -- the sword, the spear, and so forth. With the growth of
prudence in military affairs the projectile came more and more into
favor, and is now held in high esteem by the most courageous. Its
capital defect is that it requires personal attendance at the point of
propulsion.
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