At length I became
conscious. I found that I was weary of being so free from the impulse
to sin--to sin, I mean, in definite, active ways, as young men sin. It
seemed to me that I was missing a great deal, missing the delight sin is
said to give to natures, or at least missing the invigorating necessity
you have just mentioned, the necessity to fight, to wage war against
impulses."
"I understand."
"And one night I expressed this feeling to Julian."
"To Addison?" the doctor said, an expression of keen interest sliding
into his face. "I should much like to know how he received it."
"He said, of course, that such a dissatisfaction was rather monstrous."
"Was that all?"
"No. He told me he considered temptation rather a curse than otherwise,
and then he surprised me very much."
"He told you a secret?"
"Why, yes."
"The secret of your great influence over his life?"
"You knew of this secret, then?"
"He didn't tell it to me. Long ago I divined it. Addison is a very
interesting fellow to a doctor, and the fact of his strong friendship
with you has made him more interesting even than he would otherwise
have been. His physique is tremendous. He has a quite unusual vitality,
and stronger passions by far than most Englishmen.
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