For a time, that is.
Nevertheless his mind was as a whole pervaded by the feeling that he
ought not to have been taken by surprise.
And he had the clearest conviction in his mind that if now he could
be put back again to the day before that lunch. . . .
No! he should not have gone there to lunch.
He had gone there to see her Clementi piano.
Had he or had he not thought beforehand of any other possibility?
On a point so vital his memory was curiously unsure.
8
The worry and disorganization of Benham's life and thoughts
increased as the spring advanced. His need in some way to pull
things together became overpowering. He began to think of Billy
Prothero, more and more did it seem desirable to have a big talk
with Billy and place everything that had got disturbed. Benham
thought of going to Cambridge for a week of exhaustive evenings.
Small engagements delayed that expedition. . . .
Then came a day in April when all the world seemed wrong to Benham.
He was irritable; his will was unstable; whatever presented itself
to be done presented itself as undesirable; he could settle to
nothing.
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