If I had to live over again. I would try
to do the things without hurting the people, but I would do the
things anyhow. Because I'm raw with remorse, it does not follow
that on the whole I am not doing right. Right doing isn't balm. If
I could have contrived not to hurt these people as I have done, it
would have been better, just as it would be better to win a battle
without any killed or wounded. I was clumsy with them and they
suffered, I suffer for their suffering, but still I have to stick to
the way I have taken. One's blunders are accidents. If one thing
is clearer than another it is that the world isn't accident-proof. . . .
"But I wish I had sent those dollars to Prothero. . . . God! White,
but I lie awake at night thinking of that messenger as he turned
away. . . . Trying to stop him. . . .
"I didn't send those dollars. So fifty or sixty people were killed
and many wounded. . . . There for all practical purposes the thing
ends. Perhaps it will serve to give me a little charity for some
other fool's haste and blundering.
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